This week’s Friday Top Five is less a list of things I’ve learned, and more a list of things I wish friends of mine would instantly know about me. More specifically, things they should know about how I am socially. Let’s begin.
- I’m absolutely what they would describe as selectively social. I don’t know how people do activities back to back because 9 times out of 10, I don’t want to have any plans with anyone. You may not realize this because when I choose to be social, I’m all in. I’m getting cute, I’m blowing your phone up, I’m making friends with strangers, and trying to stay up all night. And then the next day, I say, “Cool, don’t have to do that again for another two months.” The same applies to choosing who I hang with. If I make plans with someone and they invite someone else, I immediately start considering the excuses I could give for backing out. Hanging with one person is one thing, hanging with two people is a completely different thing.
- In fact, I’m very particular about what friends I interact with and when. I remember – and you should know by now that it’s significant when I actually remember something – when I was ten, I struggled with the concept of having a birthday party because I couldn’t imagine all of my friends being in one place at one time. I had the same issue at 16 and again at 26. Every time I decided I wanted to see all my favorite people at one time, I cringed thinking about how incompatible my groups of friends are with each other. I have friends that I kick it with, friends I have deep convos with, friends I talk about nothing with, friends who like baseball, friends who like girls, and for some reason, I have a hard time trusting that they’ll get along. Nothing bad has ever come of putting them in one place, I think I just fear the trauma of juggling all of my personalities at once. Of acting too basic with my lit friends or too ratchet with my chill friends.
- Hanging with anyone requires some level of effort so I say, the best plans are no plans. If I do make plans, I prefer to do it at the last minute, when I’m certain that my mood is conducive to social interaction. You know what’s stressful? Deciding whether or not you’re going to cancel plans and how you can do so politely. Or deciding to follow through with said plans and sitting in the sunken place watching yourself become a horrible, grumpy person not fit for friends. It’s safest to just play things by ear.
- Along those same lines, I find that group chats are the bane of my existence. I’m in group chats with at least four different groups of people and it’s all good until people start treating them like a news feed. I don’t watch the news because I specifically don’t want to be accosted with crappy, inane bullshit. (I’m sorry, this is sounding really mean, but I’m also not sorry.) I don’t like opening my messages and getting smacked with tales of tragic death. I don’t like daily, unwarranted messages about that thing you hate that you choose to do nothing about. I don’t like watching A and B have a conversation about X who I don’t care about. I love you guys, but you’re killing my high! You know what group chats should be for? Laughter only.
- There are some times, though, when I absolutely adore group chats (live and digital). I especially enjoy being social when it’s effortless. For example, Thursday I planned to have lunch by myself, but my friend invited me to eat with her and I said yeah. Then, another guy asked to sit with us and I said yeah again. Why? Because I knew these two people could hold a conversation about anything and everything. We talked about dating, getting married, Game of Thrones, nerd stereotypes, and it didn’t feel like work. It was dope. My only other favorite type of people to interact with are those that I don’t have to talk to about anything. We can just sit and keep each other company without having to fill the air. For me, that’s fun, that’s easy.
I honestly could’ve just called this post, “Reasons I consider myself an introvert,” but I figured there were enough posts like that to go around, so just consider it “B. things: why B.J.S is a one of kind friend.”