Creating space.

I tried to create space by unplugging. While I often praised others for disconnecting from social media, I’d habitually talked myself into selling more and more hours to it. But that was changing.

It’s now been four days since I last logged onto Facebook or, more dramatically, Instagram. The first day was hard; every day since has me wondering when I’ll look back.

I solve problems differently now. When I think about activities or my face or my clothes, how they will appear on Instagram is no longer a question.

I move in silence. All the things I do and places I go remain unrecorded, at least in real time. There are no spontaneous reactions to my choices.

I hear my own voice more. So have some other humans. Mass communication has been replaced with targeted messages. If I want to talk to someone, I can’t do it subliminally anymore. I have to reach out to them express, direct.

Today I don’t miss social media. But it is uncomfortable being so in tune with myself. Signing off makes it harder to be mindless, to temper my emotions, to distract myself.

Earlier this week, I told my coworker that I wanted to be mindful, but only sometimes. I said that I still needed moments to be mindless. I’ve since changed my mind. My “passive” time spent scrolling through images of familiar faces was feeding my thoughts, whether or not I chose to acknowledge it. It’s time for me to control my emotions by embracing them. I need to be plugged in…to me.

Oh, I gave up alcohol this week too. At least for the time being.

I haven’t set I timeline. There’s no telling if this is a one week thing or a forever thing. I’m thinking not forever, though, as it would be pretty hard to convince folks to read this blog otherwise, ha.

Instead, I’ll refrain until it feels right or I’ve reached my goal. Until I’m so comfortable with myself that social media is merely a thing I use and has no more power to use me.

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