This post will otherwise be known as “why you should just keep your ass at home next time you have a cold and your brain has forsaken you.”
So today I went to Target…
I know, I know. First mistake. But I was really good today. I only bought things off my grocery list apart from Altoids, Snickers, SkinnyPop, ramen, and some beefless beef. But all that’s edible so it’s still a really successful trip. What’s also impressive is the number of things that I purchased actually on my list. Including three gallons of distilled water that I put at the bottom of my cart. Pause.
So I checked out only $70 in the hole and oh, happy day, I didn’t have my RedCard, but just yesterday Target told me I could add it to the Target app and scan the barcode, so I was still winning. Scanning my RedCard from the app was even faster than ever and seconds later I was back in my car speeding down the road. Home. All the way home.
I made it all the way home before I realized that I left my fucking water in the cart in the parking lot of Target 15 minutes away. Also, I suddenly remembered a 20% off coupon that would expire unused unless I returned to Target or risked spending another $75 at Target in less than a week.
It was a full hour after I intended to be home. That means 2-3 episodes of my favorite show unwatched. I was pissed. Also hungry. Which means I was a raging devil.
I grabbed a snack, called my best friend for consolation, and drove back to Target.
Talking to my friend made me feel a bit lighter. She reminded me that Mercury is in retrograde and bad things will happen that I can do nothing about.
Still, when I returned to Target, I didn’t expect that it could get worse. I didn’t imagine that my receipt would be right where I last saw it, on my kitchen counter. Apparently, you can pick up purchased water without a receipt, but you can’t get 20% off something you just bought. Who do you think I hated most at that moment?
It hurt so bad. The possibility of wasting more time and gas driving to Target a 3rd time to get back the money I rightfully deserved. So I put on my pajamas and fell into the couch. Defeated.
My money was gone. Time fully wasted. And physical pain creeping upon me. What was that nagging pain in my heel? It couldn’t have been that bad when my own cart ran me over two hours earlier…could it?
Well, there was skin missing, so I guess it was worse than I anticipated.
Target royally fucked me over today, and I had no other choice but to treat myself. So I did what I had to do and accidentally dropped $200 on flights. Why cry when you can travel?
P.S. This is version 2 of today’s post. Version 1 was lost in an unfortunate refresh. Who’s surprised?